Getting ready and smiling

Well I am just taking a break from my endless housekeeping chores (it take me more effort than most to keep my house in relative order - ADD does not aide the cleaning process - unless paired with OCD - which unfortunately in this case, I do not have!) to write a couple of lines. My last post was dripping with anger, vitriol and disappointment so I didn't want it lingering forever.

I'm feeling ok right now - more resigned to my fate, but with the hope of change and better things to come. I really do hope to get some word on the job while I am away. So be it. I will go on this trip as planned, do my job and perform as expected. Well sortof - the last 2 meetings I have gone to - the annual meeting in Feb and the summer meeting in 2004 - left me exhausted and sick at their conclusion. Last summer I just had a bad sinus infection which I got over with some rest. February's meeting was far worse since there was a trade show component which I had to run -almost entirely by myself in terms of set-up and tear-down. And oh yes the meeting was held concurrently, so my time and energies were split - not fun. Of course everything was a big success and the members were pleased, my boss got what he wanted and I got sick. I came home rundown, congested with a sinus infection and with the flu. I was sick as dog for 2 weeks and considered cancelling my trip to Paris & Amsterdam. Thankfully I got better and had a wonderful vacation.

That will not be happening this time around. I am not going to play their games or exhaust myself trying to meet their sky-high demands and expectations. My personality is such that if pushed, my first reaction is to work harder - so they push push push. They are wrong for pushing me to extremes - I am wrong for letting them. I have been much better in the last month since I have been setting limits at work (often without permission or approval). I was going to go into the office today to get work done since I am still behind. I've decided not to - if I can't do it all at work then I will not waste my personal time and energy on trying to achieve their ridiculous goals. They will take what they get - if not they can do what they want with me.

All that being said, I am so hopeful for an offer - it seems more the HR process that is delaying things. I could be wrong - but that won't change my behaviour vis a vis the meeting or my plans to work at a university in search of a p/t (and fully paid for!) graduate degree.

So I am going back to my housework smiling - knowing what I need to do and how I need to do it. Amazing how a couple days rest brings clarity. If only they wouldn't push me so much - they might benefit from my increased capacity (focus on my strengths and take away the tasks I am not good at - you will get amazing results) - but they are not that smart. Their loss.

Oh yes - I am smiling for another reason. Let's just say things are good in my personal life, great actually - ok super fantastic great. There's only one reason that this could be attributed to... but I'll leave it at that. Brevity sometimes speaks volumes (me, brief? LOL) and so does the right combination of three words. Yup I'm smiling.
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P.S. My friend Matty had a link to determine my "cyborg" name to this - so mine is above - very apt! :-)