Stylin' in my 300 - How to REALLY cruise P-town

So I thought I would post a couple more P-town and Cape pics for you all... A funny little anecdote needs to be told as well.

I rented a car for us at Thrifty and I have to commend them for their excellent rates. They were almost 1/2 as much as Hertz and Anus(what Dbud calls Avis). I love Hertz since I am #1 Club Gold - but I have not rented from them in years b/c they are so expensive! Even on business travel I couldn't (I always worked for cheapass companies with no negotiated discounts at the real rental companies like Hertz). Anyhoo the Thrifty site was great, I joined their Blue Chip Loyalty Program (free! - even if you want the airline miles, just join the Blue Chip program to expedite your pickup process!) and other than the long ride from the aiport to the lot (in Boston most of the car rentals are offsite now while they are doing construction - annoying!) I liked the service. Of course they didn't have the Midsize car I reserved. Before I even had to say anything, the nice lady (I think she was a Brasileira, nice accent) said they would upgrade us to either a) a mini-van or b) a Chrysler 300.

Now at the time I didn't know what a 300 was and nor did I care - I was NOT going to be drivign a mini-van around P-town. N.B: I generally detest mini-vans unless there is some ultra practical reason to use one - say torturing one's enemies/in-laws/ex's/compassionate conservatives etc... You put them in the back seat of a mini-van with a couple of sugarloaded and/or cranky 6-8 year olds and the ultimate pain will be accomplished. I have been victim to this myself a couple of times - hence my negative opinion and association with the mini-van.

Having rapid-fired a "NO! err no thank you!" to the lady I immediately took the 300. At this point she sortof smile/smirk/giggled and I heard a snicker coming from the blond stud standing to my right. Suddenly I felt like I was being mocked. Looking over at the wide-eyed blondie (He'd been letting me be travel nerd while he was keenly taking in all the people and accents - yup Boo we really DO talk like that LOL) I gave him the "why do I feel like I have a booger hanging from my nose" look. He said "You know what the 300 is right?"

It was at that time I realized I had just rented one of the most ignant cars ever :-) Ignant b/c it is about as large as USNS Comfort (that Watusi served on) and has these gangsta' style wheels and windows. See all the photos we felt compelled to take. You can't help but feel like either Al Capone, Snoop and other assorted characters. If there was a word for this car it would have to be:

Fo'shizzle

As you can see it is quite large. It was very comfortable to sit in actually, leather seats were a nice addition though the interior features and details were a little chintzy but this was a rental afterall! Driving it was another story. It was very big, had a TON of power (which is good and bad), bad blind spots and it was rear-wheel drive. All this combined made for the suprised and somewhat terrified look on the poor rental booth attendant's face as I peeeeeeeeeeeled out of the parking lot, spinning the wheels on the slick pavement (it had just started raining which is when the ground is slickest). My fella also looked a little nervous - in between fits of laughter. At this point we were having fun b/c if any 2 people should NOT have been driving this car - they would be us! It was like driving a mattress on wheels - with a rocket strapped onto the back. After a while I finally got the hang of it (I like to feel the road more and the steering was too easy) and it was a blast to drive. A lot of get-up and go made for fun acceleration on the small Cape Cod roads! Of course it made for a lot less fun at the gas pump but I digress.

I will leave you with one final anecdote a la Sophia:

Picture it P-town 2005. The sun is shining, the weather is PERFECT. A light breeze blows as a young man and his hunky fella drive into the quaint New England haven for fabulousness. You are away from work, relaxed and pleased with yourself as you smile at your traveling buddy. It is just you and him, no cellphones blaring, no list of chores to do, no work. You actually feel like you have drifted away to some wonderful place...

SLAM! The brakes thunder, you shudder and your traveling companion grabs the dashboard for support. Suddenly 300 graying senior citizens have surrounded the aircraft carrier you are driving! Pushing by in their walkers while chattering away, they scan the otherwise carless street for their grayhaired, name-badge wearing and church group t-shirted companions. Mind you they have completely disregarded the sidewalk and are walking in front of you - while holding their hands out in "stop" motion as if they owned the damn street. You think to yourself, am I in P-town or AC?

But after inching forward at 2 mph you sigh a breath of relief as you feel reassured that in fact the bus tours only go as far as the wharf and whalewatching boats. Now you see several happy gay couples - some holding hands - as they stroll down the quaint street. You smile thinking you will soon join them once you've parked. And then it happens. You slam on the gas, speed off and hope nobody sees your face.

You snap back to reality - fully aware of the land yacht you are piloting. Yes, as you and your man drive down the street, your gay compatriot peers have stopped windowshopping, turned, STARED and are now pointing as their mouthes curl up at the edges to laugh...

You have become the latest fashion victim - all thanks to the good folks at Thrifty! I'll be suing for my fabulous points as soon as I can find a venue to do so. Maybe we need a new reality show called "The Gay Court of Public Opinion" - I think my case will win by a landslide... ;-)