Postcards from the edge - San Francisco

A couple of tips when traveling and doing the tourist thing in San Francisco:

1) NEVER ever go to Fisherman's Wharf if you ever would like sanity sometime again in your life... even if it means pleasing your mother at Christmas (which I did like a good son) - nothing says "I wanna jump off the Golden Gate bridge ASAP" more than spending a little time with 30,000 screaming bratty children and stupid tourists everywhere. We would have never gone but that is where the cheesy tour departed from (again... appeasement to la mama - in exchange I get my free day tomorrow to go be amongst my gay brethren)

2) Don't drive - the streets make no sense even to the people who live here. Everything is one way, biker messengers with attitudes are abundant and yes cable cars have right of way... oh and no parking anywhere. LOL I was very happy to ditch the car.

3) Try to blend in - practice your "I'm an ignorant 70 year old Chinese woman who doesn't speak English" impersonation. It's fun - you can even hit people with your cane and/or shopping bag too!!!

4) If you can't manage that one - feign ignorance and grunt...throwing some ghetto Spanish will make it very realistic! ;-)

and finally

5) Do as the locals do and stare daggers at any unsuscpecting tourist who can't order a normal and regular coffee b/c the labyrinth of "soy half-caff, gluten free, transgendered friendly, lactose normalized, dark roasted, free-trade coffee and/or coffee-like substitute for vegan, lapsed Jews" menu written in illegible scrawl on some dusty chalkboard is completely and wildy too complicated for any person without at least 2 degrees in Women's Studies from Sarah Lawrence or Barnard... but what the hell do I know -Dunkin Donuts exploits people like Starbucks never could right???? LOL.

I like San Francisco - it is so nice to be in a place that is so different from home :-)

Hope everyone is having fun!

Oh and one nasty rant - I hate you UPS - you suck, you suck and Amazon you suck for using them and not Fedex! You are so lucky the package was delivered... I will be taking my revenge when I get home!