Mambo cha cha cha: Tales of a step aerobics tragedy on 2 left feet

Ok some I'm sortof in a lil funk... don't know why, but I just am. I need a hug or a cuddle I think. I guess this is fairly typical for me. The holidays are always stressful and take a toll on me - but the one good thing is that they break up the ordinary routine of things - especially the work routine. A day off here, a couple there - short day here, come in late there etc. But now we are back to reality and staring down my least favorite of months, January, February and ugh early March. All too bleak for my taste (unless you live in the Caribbean or something)... I have vowed to once and for all break the cycle and keep my butt in the gym instead of at home wondering when spring is coming... I want to shake the little bit of belly flab and firm my chest up. But most of all I need to burn my stress and ADD off... medication helps me but exercise really does help mitigate my urges to do 90 things all at once while obsessing over 100 other things - all at the same time.

So instead of waiting until the New Year I started a couple weeks ago (better late than never - but still better than the gorge-yourself-silly and THEN start working out resolution crowd) if I am not still there in June, please feel free to kick my ass for being a hypocrite (and a fatass if it gets to that!). As part of this I rejoined Golds Gym - partly because of convenience, partly because of high dues at my local gym, partly because of a very cute workout partner but mostly because of the classes. Yes people - I'm one of those gays... well maybe not exactly one of those gays... You see I love Step aerobics class (FAG!). Whatever - I love the music and well the movements are fun, almost like dancing... almost.

But in fact I did NOT (to my chagrin) get the gay "super-coordinated-ultra-sassy-natural-inclination-to-step-like-a-pro" gene. My friend Topher for example - can not only step with his eyes closed, but he can look graceful while doing it... (hell he makes Nantucket Red pants with little whales on them look graceful) we hate her! (ok not really but he does this arm thingee when he does step turns - way too pretty to not be hateful of her! :-P)

Noooooo I'm the type of guy who goes to Step class and falls all over the damn place, not enough to break an ankle mind you - but enough to make a complete arse of myself. I've been doing it since the late 90's - you'd think I could get it down - WRONG. I'm usually one of the few males in the class. On first glance people think to themselves "Hmm...Man in step class... HAS to be Nathan Lane meets Richard Simmons on a Friday night gay" and well I do have cute legs and look good in workout shorts...

This image fades and dies when they see me go at it. By the end of the class (despite the puddle I've left on the floor and my soaked shirt and hair) about 15 women come up and put their arm around me and say "It's okay darling - you keep trying!" or "You're so brave! You keep coming back!" or "My husband couldn't do this - so you're great no matter what!" as they shake their heads thinking "No way in red-hot HELL can he be gay flailing about like that... maybe he's French or something... nah still not graceful enough..."

So tonight Dutch class was cancelled and I ventured out to Gold's in S. Arlington VA to go to my friend Josefina's class... He has the BEST music of any instructor I've ever had (he should - he gets a pro dj friend of his to do custom mixes for him) and perhaps more energy than a room full of 8 year old's with access to sugary snacks... He's so positive, funny and his classes make me sweat like no other... But you have to be, at minimum, able to be Solid Gold Dancer or at least a Fly Girl to be able to finish an entire routine... He had all all over the board, twisting, twirling and spinning so much so that I swear I saw God for a brief second... before tripping myself back to reality. It's all quite funny actually.

I mean how can you not laugh when you hear a grown man instructing 30 other grown-ups to "Mambo once, cha cha to the left, traaaaaavel, box step, pivot, fly around the world, repeater knee for three, lunge, L-step" and of course my personal favorite... "Charleston!!! Come one, one more time, Charleston! Kick those legs up honey!" All in all it sounds like torture. But in fact it is fun as hell and works up a sweaty I could only get at home with my boo on a saturday nigh... well you get the point.

And oh yes - despite my 2 left feet, lack of coordination and horrible sense of rhythm - I can't wait for the next time Dutch class is cancelled so I can go again!