Frustration
I'm going to bring everyone down for a moment but I need to vent. I'll try to keep it short and concise so I don't write down every lurid detail. This will cause me to grind away what is left of my teeth.
As you all know, I live a very busy life. I've had a series of bad job where my bosses used and abused me. Part of that abuse was overloading me with work. You know what they say, need something done, find a busy person. I am part of the problem. By trying to constantly please and help everyone I end up doing way more than I should be. But managers have always taken advantage of me and I end up hurt, pissed off and burnt out.
I have tried to change that here from day 1. I really like and respect my boss. But after a series of bad employees in our dept, I end up cleaning up their messes. The only reason we function is b/c I work in overdrive when I am here. Early on I was falling back into my old bad habits. But over the last semester I have followed the advice of my friends and my shrink. I have held people accountable, pulled back and left when I am supposed to. I took this job so I could go to school, have less responsonsibilty and a better quality of life - even at $25k less pay. The opposite is happening. The more I escalate and proactively try to fix things the more he pushes back and the more he expects.
He sat me down this morning and dictated 10 things to add to my plate including longterm stategic stuff. I'm just the budget and office manager and he is trying to make me a mini-him. I don't want to be that. I'm not being paid 4.5x my salary and nor do I want that responsability. I tried to explain to him for the 6th time that I am overloaded and need some real solutions. All i get back is either a pep talk or a little bit of attitude. To top it all off he told me for the second time to clean my office (even though he "understands" how busy I am, how he is disorganized etc.). Instead of just saying "yes massa" I tried again to explain the situation and how his "just put it all in a drawer" approach would make things worse, especially since I work in a constant fire drill. That got me nowhere.
So here I sit. I am angry at myself since I feel like I am back where I started, burnt, overloaded and spending way too much on therapy. I want to do my job and leave, no extra. If I can do extra during my 40 hours fine, but I don't want any more than that. I want to become a high school English teacher, go to my classes, spend time with my Boo, work out and see my friends. I want quality of life, I thought I was supposed to get that. Instead I get angry and anxious.
How do I resolve this with my boss? I have tried everything, pro-active approaches, reactive. He just doesn't listen. Why why why does this always happen to me? I have been SO good with this job, doing everything I'm supposed to so I can be healthy and happy. What do you do when nothing works?!?!?!? I can't give my notice (since I intend to be full-time at the end of the summer) until I know what is going on with my application (which will now bump to June b/c MAT my test scores still haven't arrived).
I need to make this work, in my favor and on my terms. I need and want to be happy just how do I do it and maintain some sort of pleasant atmosphere at work???
Damn it.
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Update: Thanks for the support friends... I called someone I trust and had lunch with them. They concurred with my conclusions about my situation. I feel a lot better knowing it is NOT me who is the problem. My boss is a really nice man and I like him a lot. But this is about him changing and respecting my time. This person said I pretty much should lay everything out on the table since I plan to leave in August to go to school FT and hopefully do that fellowship... This person concurred that he is going to freak out, but hopefully it will help rein things in... I intend to do just this but I need to get a little more information about my loans, plans etc before I drop that bomb.
And as much as I would like to agree with my girl Topher, I was in a great mood when I went to work today... after my lunch it sounds like this problem has been happening for a while and the changes really rest with him. I've been making lists for a while now (good suggestion) it's just that my boss is swamped and overcommitted (his fault) and he usually just takes a look and says "I know, look at what I deal with" or "You and me both" etc etc etc... Whatever Mary, you make almost 5 times my salary, it comes with the territory!
Anyhoo thanks for the love - I just need to not let this eat at me!
posted by TOS at 10:01 a.m.
5 Comments:
Breath girl! You'll get through this. You had a stressful weekend and you need to step back. I too have an idiot boss who instead of listening to what I have to say - gives me a "pep" talk about being "positive" Just last week I told everybody exactly how I feel :) It didn't go over well. Njo left and they have not filled her slot yet :) You can always come back to HELL!
2:08 p.m.
Sounds like you have tried everything, but, have you tried keeping a list of your projects - along with estimated times (small <2 hours, medium <8 hours, etc.) then when confronted with additional tasks - 'ask' (i.e. demand) to know which projects should fall to the bottom? Force the jerk to prioritize. Like Rita’s weekly reports, in reverse.
2:27 p.m.
I agree with anonymous.
Documentation will save your ass faster than anything else. Be anal about your time and exactly where you spend it. At the end of the week (or two), schedule a meeting with your boss, show him your list and explain there are only x amount of hours in the day.
If you still feel like you are getting shafted and he's still being an ass, go to HR. A "can we step out to have a cup of coffee" will go far and maybe give you some inside advice. Someone that is higher up from him might have some better advice and also be willing to tell him to chill the fuck out.
If your boss is not listening to you and your needs, there are bigger, more pressing issues that need to be dealt with. On the upside, at least he knows you can do the job and with the right backup, ask for a raise.
8:09 p.m.
Wish I could help, but I don't know how to deal with it either. I got into the same situation at jobs in the past. That is why I gave up the "corporate world" lifestyle/job and traded it all in to become a bingo caller.
9:35 a.m.
i totally get your work stress; my situation is slightly different, though. the first two bosses i ever had out of college were harsh assholes/bitches who would use office politics to screw me over in public and embarass me. Ergo, I now have anxiety issues with bosses and will probably always have them to a degree.
In your boss's case, it's like that Cinderella song "Don't Know What You've Got 'Till it's Gone:" he won't know how valuable you truly are until you quit, sadly.
You just have to remind yourself that it's not you, it's them. Surround yourselves with people who can give you the third-party viewpoint. Sounds like you're doing that; you've taken wise steps.
11:20 a.m.
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