Nyaiqu'esha Smith Strikes Back

(many people have commented that they want to know more about some of the people I mentioned in Office Rudeness. Here is the first in an occasion series of profiles of the operators of the 611 Office Rudeness Hotline, conveniently located somewhere above 139th street on the West Side)

Profile of the Day - The Pissed Off Black Sista
Name: Nyaiqu'esha Smith
Age: "What does it matter, I ain't telling you nothin."
Favorite Color: "Magenta Creme... I got a wig that color and a hat an some shoes to match, but I only wear those to the club. It's too much for church."
Favorite Restaurant: "Normally I prefer to cook it up for myself. But sometimes the hotplate shorts out the wiring in this ignant ass buildin', you know the super Orlando is a cheapass and won't buy real fuses so whenever that chewin gum wrappers burn out I go for some authentical Etaliano food. Oh what that restaurant called... Hmm. Oh yes! It is just like where Lord Jesus goes to pray, the Garden of Olives. Yuu-uh-um. I start off with a glass of Riunite - it's so nice. You can put ice cubes in it and nobody will ever look ignantly at you. If it hot out I prefer the blush, but sometimes I go all out and have that sparkly Lambrushikoko. I could drink a whole bottle, plus it's a screwoff cap so sometimes I put the cap back on and save some for the bus ride home. Now that's hospitaliano!"
Signifigant Other: "My only man is the Lord Jesus himself. Now he a man, a lil bit hard to see sometimes but at least he ain't cheap like my ex-husband Carlos. For Carlos, the Lord may have giveth but it was the track that taketh it away... well the track and the light bill collection, the house note people, his 2 ex-wives and oh yes the student loan people. So when all he had was $3 a week between me and him I said 'no way' and I have been with Jesus ever since. I may not be able to get Jesus to dust, but at least I got a dust-free kingdom waiting for me one of these days."
The Things in Your Nightstand: "That ain't ladylike to ask, I should whup your butt with the paddle I keep in there! Oh lord...you forget I said that and I'll give you a nowalater."
Sum Up Your Life in 10 Words or Less: "Ignant is as ignant do - drop yo drawers and showem!"

Sage advice. Excuse while I go find my manager...